Grief Is Stalking You: How Parents Can Model Healthy Grief for Their Children
Grief Is Stalking You: How Parents Can Model Healthy Grief for Their Children
Dek: Children learn how to grieve by watching you. Here’s how to model healthy grief, so your kids feel safe to express emotions and find healing too.
For: Parents navigating their own grief while supporting children
What you’ll learn: Why modeling grief matters + simple ways to show kids how to cope
Read time: 7 minutes
Intro
Life as a parent is busy—school runs, meals, homework, bedtime. Add grief on top of that, and it can feel impossible to keep everything afloat. Whether you’ve lost a partner, grandparent, or someone else close, grief has a way of following you, waiting until you face it. As I once joked with Tony Lynch on his podcast: “Grief is stalking you.” If you try to numb it with busyness, grief will simply wait until you stop.
The good news? You can help your kids by showing them what healthy grief looks like.
What’s Going On Under the Surface
We often hear: “The kids will be okay if you’re okay.” But the truth is, kids will be okay if you show them how to grieve. Children copy what they see. If you hide emotions, they learn to do the same. If you allow space for sadness, anger, and joy, they learn emotions are safe to feel.
Signs You Might Notice
Kids pretending nothing happened while emotions bubble underneath
Sudden outbursts when grief resurfaces
Mimicking your coping behaviors (healthy or not)
A Gentle Framework You Can Use Today
Modeling grief doesn’t mean being perfect. It means showing up with honesty and vulnerability. Here are four ways to start:
Let the tears flow. Crying in front of your kids teaches them that tears are safe.
Acknowledge absence. Don’t ignore reminders of your loved one. Share your feelings when you notice them.
Admit when it’s hard. Say: “I don’t know how to do this the way [loved one] did, but we’ll figure it out together.”
Teach through presence. Show them emotions come in waves and can be felt without fear.
Conversation Script
You: “I miss Grandma today when I saw her chair. Do you miss her sometimes too?”
Child: “Yeah, especially at dinner.”
You: “Me too. Let’s remember one funny thing she used to say at the table.”
Common Questions
Try This Now
Try this simple Grief in Action exercise:
Let it in. For 60–90 seconds, allow yourself to feel grief fully.
Breathe. Take slow breaths, exhaling heavy energy.
Release. Imagine letting go of one piece of your pain—maybe even picture Elsa from Frozen singing “Let it go.”
Model this exercise for your child and invite them to try it when their own feelings feel heavy.
👉 Want more tools? Take the free Grief Storm Quiz to discover your child’s storm type and unlock strategies tailored to them.
Resources & References
About Dr. Annette
I’m Dr. Annette Athy, PhD—grief specialist and mom of four. I help parents model healthy grief so children learn that emotions are safe and healing is possible. Want more support? Subscribe here.
