Grief Storms in Children: How Parents Can Be a Safe Harbor
Grief Storms in Children: How Parents Can Be a Safe Harbor
When grief hits like a storm, kids need honesty, patience, and a steady anchor. Here’s how parents can guide them through unpredictable emotions with love and truth.
For: Parents, grandparents, and caregivers of grieving children
What you’ll learn: How to talk honestly about death, hold space for reactions, and support kids through grief storms
Read time: 7 minutes
Intro
When a loved one dies, grief can hit children like a sudden storm—intense, unpredictable, and overwhelming. These grief storms show up in bursts of strong emotions, unexpected behaviors, or even silence. Watching your child navigate such turbulence can leave you unsure how to help. The good news? By offering honesty, support, and consistent presence, you can be the safe harbor they need.
What’s Going On Under the Surface
Children often sense more than we realize, even if they don’t fully understand. Shielding them from the truth about death can create confusion, mistrust, and fear. Instead, speak with clarity and honesty—using age-appropriate language. Euphemisms like “passed away” may sound gentle, but younger kids can misinterpret them. Words like died or dead are clearer and help them grasp the permanence of loss.
Signs You Might Notice
Tears or anger appearing suddenly, then disappearing quickly
Seeming unaffected one moment, deeply upset the next
Acting out or withdrawing without clear reason
By telling the truth, you lay a foundation of trust and open the door to ongoing, healing conversations.
A Gentle Framework You Can Use Today
Grieving children don’t process emotions the way adults do. They move in and out of grief, often in waves. Your role is not to fix their pain but to hold space, model honesty, and invite them into safe connection.
Tell the truth clearly. Use direct language that helps them understand what’s happened.
Hold space without judgment. Validate their emotions: “It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. This is hard for all of us.”
Initiate conversations. Gently bring up the loss in everyday moments instead of waiting for them to start.
Invite, don’t force. Let them choose when and how to engage—this gives them back a sense of control.
Conversation Script
You: “I was thinking about [loved one] today. Do you ever think about them?”
Child: “Sometimes, but I don’t want to talk about it.”
You: “That’s okay. I’m here if you ever do.”
Common Questions
Try This Now
Want to better understand your child’s grieving style?
👉 Take the free Grief Storm Quiz to discover your child’s storm type and unlock tools to guide them through their emotions.
Or, if you’re seeking ongoing support, explore the Beneath Her Story Journal Membership—a monthly space for parents and caregivers to process grief, find rituals, and connect with others.
Resources & References
About Dr. Annette
I’m Dr. Annette Athy, PhD—grief specialist and mom of four. For 20+ years, I’ve supported families in navigating loss with honesty and compassion. My mission is to help parents become the safe harbor their children need when grief storms hit. Want gentle tools in your inbox? Subscribe here.
